ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
