i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
