sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
