You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
