And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
