how can u be prego again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
