is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
