Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
