i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
