I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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