Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
