Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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