Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
