I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
