I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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