I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
