I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
