That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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