I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
