You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
