Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
