she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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