She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
