he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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