Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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