you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
