I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
