I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
