i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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