2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
