dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
