On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
