every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
