So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Come share oat with me in your robe
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
