I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As shirtless as possible
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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