I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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