I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i've created a new STD.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
