I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
