apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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