It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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