when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So vagazzling was a success
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
