Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
