he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
