I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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