Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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