I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
