today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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