I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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