I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize