I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
