I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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