Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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