I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
