when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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